The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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