maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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