I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
