My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
