I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
