I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
