God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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