Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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