In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we made out on top of his cat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
