we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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