She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
