Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
