the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
