I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
