it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
