Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
