When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize