you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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