Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
