My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
