Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we made out on top of his cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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