I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
