if you like me you must not know who I am
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
