It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
