I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
