Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
