I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
