I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
