Will you blow on my dice?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
