Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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