Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
