they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
