they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
