So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize