i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
