My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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