how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
