After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
