Just fell off a train. Bad.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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