my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
