fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
