Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
