last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
