Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
