i just wanna soil my oats bro
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
