New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
