you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
