Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
