pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
