No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
