You really coming over, don't trick.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
