what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
