I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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