Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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