I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
