I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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