im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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