So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
