Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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