I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize