i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
