I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
