My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
