I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
