Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
