Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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