I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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