i just had sex bonerless
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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