laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
