all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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