So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
