i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
