I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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