his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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