I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i will never coherently bang her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
