You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
