ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
