I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
