Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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