Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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