you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
